I have this amazing story inside my head. The title alone says a lot, but for some strange reason, when I sit down to type or write, I produce nothing, because it’s all scrambled. The words are in a maze with a blocked exit and an extremely high wall.
I don’t have writers block, I’m just a blocked writer. Maya Angelou said it best, “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” She may have been speaking on another level, but not much of a difference.
I’ve written screenplays before, (two at the same time) and the words flowed like Niagara Falls in the summer. Three Screenplays, two outlines (again, at the same time), three shorts, numerous log-lines of stories I have yet to start.
I told myself, move on to the next screenplay, but the truth is, the story I’m trying to convey is not the issue, it’s M.E. My mind is restless when I’m awake, when I’m asleep… it’s restless. Not easily controlled, I myself cannot seem to tame it.
Part of me wants to throw my hands up and say the hell with this, and continue doing what I’m doing, which is a Police Dispatcher. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy what I do, but it has snuffed out every bit of life I have outside of work and home. Anywho, I’m sharing too much.
My writing, yes…It’s not because I’ve lost interest, and even after rejection on top of rejection, I’m still just as excited as I was from day one; four and a half to five years and counting. Discouraged, YES! Me wanting to throw my hands up is deeper than rejection, so deep I’m scared to explore, or perhaps share.
But, I know I will live to regret if I don’t get this story told, and countless others. I’ve set this goal a dozen times, and I will set it a dozen and one times. I will complete this outline by the end of this weekend. One more time, I will complete this outline by the end of this weekend, and I will format it by the middle of this month. Wish me luck!!!